They cut off his fingers;... they cut off his toes;.... They cut off his hair..... Now he is pissed....
This summer Sylvester Stallone is back in an all new movie critics are calling "Garbage times 9."
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready
for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll
be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the
doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra
and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes," the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper."
couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed
couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special
requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for
two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Priest." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you
able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The middle-aged man
replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.
The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, "Well, were you
able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able
to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the priest. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it" said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church" stated the priest. "We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the Supermarket anymore either..." #Marcus
once was this group of strange beings called Trids. The Trids were only
about a foot long, and the lived in a valley next to a hill. Every day
they would climb the hill to gather berries and other plant foods.At the top of the hill lived an Ogre that always kicked the Trids down the hill.
the leader of the Trids called a local Rabbi to come help them get food
and to talk to the ogre. The Rabbi stood behind a tree on the hill and
watched the Trids climb up the hill.
All was fine, until the Ogre popped out of a cave and one-by-one kicked the screaming Trids down the hill.
The Rabbi scaled the hill and asked the hideous creature why he kept kicking the Trids.The Ogre looked over at the Rabbi and simply replied, "Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids." '