Monday, June 27, 2005

How to Destroy the Poor People by G W Bush

1. raise health care costs to record highs. done.
2. raise gas prices to redcord highs. done.
3. raise cost of living to record highs. done.
4. lower interest rates. done.
5. take away bankruptcy. done.
6.tax on used cars. done.
7. send jobs over seas. done.

note ot self; tax cuts for the wealthy.

A dog named Sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex.

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "Me too!"

Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."

slogans

1- I LOVE GORGEOUS WOMEN, but they're too busy looking in the air to notice!!
2- EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU!!! I exercise my sitting muscles everyday!!!!
3- i'm a perfect 1! yep right at the top!!!
4- i'm only a 4, but i'm faithful!!!!!
5- I'M A PERFECT 10!!! what's your iq?
6- I DONT GET MAD, I GET EVEN!!!
7- LOVE IS LIKE A FURNACE!!! if you fall in you'll get burned!!!
8- strate A STUDENT; A DUMMY! A CREEP! A MESS!
9-IF U LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE; IF IT COMES BACK TO U ITS YOURS; IF IT DOESN'T, HUNT IT DOWN AND KILL IT!!!!

mottos

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f**ing sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
4. Do I look like a f**ing people person?
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
7. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
8. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
9. You! Off my planet !!
10. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
11. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
13. And your cry-baby whiny-asd opinion would be...?
14. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
15. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.
16. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
17. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
18. Whatever kind of look you were going for? You missed!
19. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
21. if i want your opinion i'll give it to you!
22. I SUPPORT EQUAL RIGHTS AS LONG AS NOBODY GETS MORE THAN ME!!!
23. IF YOU THINK SEX IS A PAIN in the derriere YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!!!!!!!!
24. SEX IS LIKE A YO-YO IT HAS its ups and DOWNS
25. I feel GREAT and I dont kiss bad either!!!!!
26. MAY ALL YOUR COMfoRTS COME BETWEEN 2 bed sheets!!!
27. man who cross in front of video game get kick in asteroids!!!!!
28. hard wORK NEVER killed anyBODY BUT WHY take CHANCES!!!
29. I'M A feminist... the more women i have around me the BETTER!!!!!!!
30. IF IN HEAVEN WE DON'T MEET, HAND-IN-HAND WE'LL FACE THE HEAT!!! IF IT EVER GETS TOo HOT, PEPSI COLA HITS THE SPOT!!!!

diarrhea

you're walking thru the zoo, and you feel it in your shoe ...diarrhea...
you're sitting in a chair and you hear some passing air ... diarrhea...
you're working at your desk and espy a nasty mess ... diarrhea...
you're walking down the hall and it runs wall-to-wall ...diarrhea...
you're laying in the bed and you feel it start to spread ...diarrhea...
you're climbing up a tree and you feel it on your knee ... diarrhea...
you're sliding into first and you feel it start to burst ...diarrhea...
you're pushing baby's head and you feel it wet the bed ... diarrhea...

PICTURE OF THE DAY